This is an important stage in preparing for marriage and choosing a spouse. The role of this stage has undergone significant changes in the present century, so that now there is a strong tendency to neglect pre-marital courtship in modern boys and girls (the latter are largely forced). S. V. Kovalev identifies three most important functions of this period, which correspondingly reflect the three main and chronologically relatively consecutive stages of the beginning of family life.
1. During the entire courtship, there is an accumulation of joint impressions and experiences. This is the emotional potential of the subsequent family life, the store of feelings from which the spouses will draw strength and joy in difficult periods of marriage. Continue reading
Close ideas about the role of “parental programming” in the fate of a person are developed by the American psychotherapist E. Byrne. Describing the various ways in which the family and its individual members affect the child’s personality, he uses the concept-metaphor “scenario”: “a Scenario is a gradually unfolding life plan that is formed… in early childhood, mainly under the influence of parents. This psychic impulse pushes a person forward with great force, towards his fate, and very often regardless of his resistance or free choice” (FOOTNOTE: Bern E. Games played by people. People who play games. – L., 1992.- Pp. 175-176.) (our italics. – E. S.). This is a kind of unconscious acceptance by the child of the prescriptive “image” of the future adult life-the fate of the “winner” or “defeated”, “loser”. Continue reading
Dolto sees the main difficulty in passing the stages of personality formation for children not in children, but in parents. Difficult parents-overprotective, authoritarian, forcibly holding growing children in the nets of possessiveness. Analysis of childhood memories, ways of learning in kindergarten and school, features of education in a single-parent family, attitudes to money and punishment, all the details of children’s life reveals a huge interest in childhood psychoanalyst, recognition of the enduring importance of children’s stages of development. To share this position means that every parent, every specialist working with children, should feel these feelings. Continue reading