State of family guilt
The feeling of guilt arises in everyone quite naturally if we commit an unnatural act that generates conflict. Committing exculpatory acts mitigates guilt. In this case, we are talking about real guilt. In addition, there is neurotic guilt. It occurs when thoughts and feelings that are of an unseemly nature appear. We accuse ourselves of having these feelings.
Existential guilt-guilt for not being the other, but being myself. It is often updated during losses.
Guilt is the least tolerable feeling. The pangs of conscience can reach great strength, causing torment and fear. By projection, we try to put the blame on another.
How all this information is mounted on the family. A person feels like a hindrance to others, the culprit of all the failures of the family, is inclined to perceive the attitude of other family members as blaming, despite the fact that this is not the case. At the same time, such family guilt can be conscious or unconscious when it hangs on a person with a heavy load. Also, the culprit can be both real and imaginary. I know I’m an extra in the family. My family members think I’m stupid. They think that family members are uncomfortable for him in front of friends. This sense of guilt on the one hand generates a stage of exculpatory activity. A person makes great efforts to justify their existence in the family. Then there is a stage when such a family member tries to occupy as little space in the family as possible. He reduces his claims to a minimum, shows compliance, and takes responsibility for the actual or imaginary state.
Family guilt also gives rise to the phenomenon of the scapegoat. On one of the family members, usually the weakest, the family takes its own blame. This may be a child born at a bad time for the family. This mother’s fault is placed on the child. It’s a fault that doesn’t belong to him. Now he must feel guilty for being an extra mouth in the family. There is a period of proving that I am not superfluous, and then exhaustion. Scenarios for future events:
1. Since guilt is painful and unbearable, the child is looking for where it is better. He begins to separate from the family and be more and more outside the family. He finds other attachments and interests. There is less and less space in the family. The forces that push him out of the family begin to work. This is how children with delinquent behavior appear.
2. Cinderella option – when such a family member remains in the family, but as Cinderella, chooses her own closet, where it functions. Guilt breaks a person’s feelings. This dastardly act is very dangerous for the individual.
Thus, the identification of these 4 States requires a thorough acquaintance with the life of the family. Direct or indirect assessments of various aspects of family life are particularly informative. Indirect assessments are manifested in intonations, behaviors that are manifested in spite of their will. It is important to be sensitive to complaints. It is important to carefully analyze statements, behavior patterns, and the development of relationships over time. Pay special attention to unconscious forms of manifestation. There are a number of techniques – family interviews-that allow you to diagnose these conditions. But the main thing is to have well-opened eyes, clean ears, and above-average intelligence.