Diagnosis of conditions in a dysfunctional family
There are 4 main States of a dysfunctional family:
State of global family dissatisfaction.
A state of unbearable physical and mental stress.
State of family anxiety.
State of the family vine
1. State of global family dissatisfaction
It occurs if there is a sharp discrepancy between the person’s conscious or unconscious expectations in relation to the family and the real family life. There are some expectations and there is another. The result is a conscious or unconscious state of frustration. This creates a frustrating behavior of family members, aimed at changing the situation. If this does not happen, then it can lead to painful disorders and psychological problems.
Type 1-conscious dissatisfaction. Its diagnosis is simple. There is an open recognition by one or two spouses that family life does not satisfy them. At the same time, there must be an indication that family life does not meet the minimum requirements. They knowingly acknowledge the fallacy of their marriage. What prevents the spouses from separating? As a rule, some important circumstance is mentioned that prevents immediate separation (children, material and household difficulties, the opinion of others, etc.). Often this dissatisfaction is combined with an acute or chronic conflict between spouses or systematic conflicts, which in turn generates pronounced aggressive notes. Practically no needs of family members are met. This type of violation is very clear
Type 2-unconscious (smoldering or poorly realized) dissatisfaction – is a much more complex type. Spouses initially Express relative satisfaction with family life. However, dissatisfaction is detected indirectly in the process of further conversation. There are several options:
1. Through the description of feelings and States which are adjacent to the straight edge of dissatisfaction. This is boredom, colorlessness of life, lack of joy, nostalgic memories of how everything was good in the beginning. In this case, the driving motive for maintaining family life is not needs or feelings, but necessity. Gradually, from the external normal facade, it is found that the family is living with the last of its strength.
2. You may complain about various private aspects of family life (everything would be fine if you lived separately), the behavior of children, spending free time, etc.in a situation of this option, the phenomena of a mother-in-law, father-in-law, etc. can often occur. From this it becomes clear that this private side of family life is dramatically exaggerated.
3. The phenomenon of a drop of tar. We are talking about some objectively secondary problem that in this family grows to cosmic proportions and seriously reduces the satisfaction of family relationships. This may be a relationship with relatives living together or differences in the organization of family life.
4. Another phenomenon is the growing frustration of one family member or both (my nerves are giving out). The objective reason why this nervousness appeared is given. This nervousness also speaks about violation of very deep needs of the person.
With unconscious dissatisfaction, there may initially be periods of seemingly conflict – free behavior, during which frustration increases-an emotional explosion or even a breakup. At the same time, such a stereotype of family relations from the point of view of family stability is dangerous. These explosions often lead to the destruction of the family. During an emotional breakup, one of the spouses is faced with the possibility of re-organizing the family or suddenly discovers that he was unhappy all the time. Spouses either return to the family, or the awareness of their vegetating and complete separation-it turns out you can be happy. For one of them (usually a woman) or both, there is a slight depression, depression, dependence on alcohol.
2 state – the state of family anxiety.
This condition is often poorly understood and poorly localized anxiety in one, two, or all family members. Anxiety is a common human emotion that occurs in a situation of uncertainty and the need for choice. Typical signs of anxiety are doubts, fears, or concerns about the family as a whole. This can be fears about the health of family members, absences, late returns, or skirmishes and conflicts in the family. Anxiety concerns only the sphere of family life and it does not apply to the sphere of work and life. Such anxieties literally torment the family. At the heart of this family anxiety is the unconscious uncertainty of a person in some very important aspect of family life. This is uncertainty about the feelings of another or self-doubt. In addition, this condition can manifest itself in a sense of helplessness and inability to intervene in the course of events in the family. Such statements are typical: I feel that no matter what I do, it will still be bad. I don’t have anyone in my family to talk to. Therefore, in case of family anxiety, the individual does not feel like a significant person in the family, despite his position in the family (the father). Some objective data say that this person really is the whole family, although he believes the opposite. This discrepancy becomes very striking. In a situation of family anxiety, family members are neurotic.
3rd state-excessive physical and mental stress.
Excessive stress is one of the main psychotraumatic experiences. For such tensions, there are normative periods – these are periods of family crises (the crisis of a young family, the crisis of the birth of a child, etc.). In addition to regulatory periods a family can create mental and physical stress in its members in the following ways:
1. By creating for the individual a situation of constant psychological pressure of a difficult or even hopeless situation. For example, the situation of the wife of an alcoholic who keeps her in constant fear.
2. The family can create obstacles to family members ‘ satisfaction of extremely important needs and feelings. For example, feelings incompatible with the role representations of a family member (the daughter-in-law is worth a huge effort to hide antipathy to her mother-in-law). The less successful the relationship in the family, the more effort you need to apply to restrain resentment. Manifestations of these feelings lead to complications. Therefore, the manners of relationships are mannered. These are the feelings that the family must satisfy in this person. This is primarily about sexual needs or meeting the need for mutual understanding
3. By creating and maintaining an internal conflict in a family member. A family may regularly place a family member in front of conflicting demands and at the same time hold them responsible for resolving them. An example is a wife who nags her husband’s hands that are not growing from there, the husband tries to prove the opposite, but after doing something, he again receives his wife’s criticism. Whatever I do, it will still be bad. This leads to internal conflict. Initially, there is a fairly long period of exculpatory activity, when the husband makes considerable efforts to prove the opposite, but each time he is exhausted, he tends to take up less space in the family. There are figures of a distant wife or husband, or a son or daughter who want to be less in the family. In the case of children, there is a contradictory upbringing. Dad brings up in his own way, mom in her own way. Each of these family members spends a lot of energy on raising a child, but as a result of inconsistency, the effect of education is zero-neglect.
Picture of family relations when the alarm is in the nature of fussiness. Many things are not completed. Repairs that never end. Or a state of family fear that something inevitable is going to happen – inhibition. Things are not done-a burden.
In cases of mental stress, there may be States of rupture, conflicts that lead to distancing