Divorce and its social and psychological consequences
Most of the contradictions that arise between spouses can be resolved without resorting to such a radical means as divorce. Often the opinion that divorce will bring real relief and help solve all the difficulties and problems is just a naive misconception. As a rule, a person has his own personal problems in himself and in new relationships they manifest themselves with greater force.
At the same time, divorce creates new problems for which the spouses are often not ready. These are problems of building relationships between ex-husband and wife, as well as relationships with children. In Russia, former spouses are often enemies. The confrontation between them persists for many years, drawing close relatives, friends, acquaintances and colleagues into their painful space. They are jealous of each other, try to hurt their former spouse by their behavior, set people against him, seek self-assertion, etc. There are also situations when, after a divorce, former spouses generally cease to maintain any relationship, as if deleting from their life the person with whom a certain part of life was lived.
In both cases, people are at odds with a deep psychological trauma in the soul, which is sometimes not smoothed out for the rest of their lives, regardless of whether they create new families or not. The pain in the soul remains even when people were able to translate their relationship after the divorce into a friendly or friendly one. It is related to the fact that usually when a relationship breaks down, one leaves the other. The one who leaves a loved one, who takes years of care, attention and warmth with him, often cannot accept his loss throughout his life. He is tormented by the question: “What is so bad about me if she went to another person? Why is he better than me?”There is a sense of guilt and the illusion that if “Then I would have said something different, she would have stayed with me..”or “If I had done something different then, she would have been there…”
Children suffer deeply after divorce. Usually the child perceives the situation of family breakdown so that it is from him that one of the parents left (or left). In some cases, especially in adolescence, the child (boy or girl) speaks of betrayal of the parent who left the family. In the subconscious sphere of the psyche, an attitude to oneself is formed, as to such a person who is abandoned, which can later manifest itself in uncertainty and low self-esteem of the child. Moreover, he begins to perceive the relationship between people as unstable, unreliable, which can always and at any time be destroyed. Such experiences of the child do not disappear even when parents seek to maintain friendly and friendly relations.
So, the hard consequences of divorce are obvious. Why do people get divorced?
The following are currently the reasons for divorce in Russia.
People who are “single” by nature get divorced. They do not like “a lot of people” in the house, they seek solitude and peace. They build a “wall” between themselves and the world, behind which they create their own small world, protected from external influences. Family – it’s responsibilities, problems, worries… and alone is so good and calm.
Immature people who have not managed to pass through the “ladder” of social maturation get divorced. They remain dependent on their own parents for almost their entire life, and internally they perceive themselves not as spouses and parents, but as little girls and boys, daughters and sons of their often elderly parents. In such cases, their contribution to the divorce is made by parents who believe that their son (or daughter) has chosen an unworthy person as a wife (or husband).
People who do not know how to survive the severity and pain of problems arising in marriage get divorced. They are not capable of constructive resolution of problem situations and seek to escape from this pain anywhere, even in a divorce. They assume that the new marriage will be “without problems” and everything will be smooth and calm in the new relationship. They also mistakenly think that after a divorce, they will find the long-awaited peace and tranquility. Unfortunately, it often takes years of life for these people to destroy the myth of the possibility of a calm, conflict-free relationship between a man and a woman.
Not a stable family, which formed the script of marital relations of the type “manipulating subordinate”. Usually the one who is in the position of the subordinate begins to fight for his human dignity, and the manipulator can not adjust in relation to his partner. The breakdown of such marriages is not condemned by society; relatives and friends sympathize with the spouse who has endured years of abuse, especially if it was related to physical aggression.
Quite often there is a so-called “situational divorce” during a crisis of marriage, as we wrote above. Assuming that the cooling is due to the departure of love and that “Nothing good will ever happen again”, people go to divorce. In fact, only one thing is necessary: to patiently survive the crisis period together.
Finally, the family breaks up in cases where the spouses or one of them has not formed parental feelings and there is no responsibility for their children. In Russian families, the father most often shows a weakened parental relationship.
So, in all these cases, the family situation could be improved either by the spouses themselves, if they made every effort to preserve the family, or with the help of a specialist psychologist.