Structural and role functioning of the family and its violations (part 2)
Location (warmth, love) is characterized by the fact that parents see a lot of positive properties in their children, accept them as they are. these feelings are manifested both in a warm tactile contact, and in a smile, a look of support, and an expression of pride.
In case of rejection, parents are not disposed to their children, do not enjoy communicating with them, children irritate them with their self-will, disobedience, etc.the Lack of affection for the child turns into hostility in the extreme form.
Deterrence (control) assumes that the behavior of parents is described as having many prohibitions, keeping the child under constant supervision and control, setting certain standards of behavior that children should follow. Such parents do not necessarily often and severely punish children. Using similar parenting tactics, parents raise a child who usually obeys the rules and does not give rise to frequent punishments. At preschool age, parents forbid him noisy games, require neatness, obedience, do not allow him to go far from home alone, prohibit aggressive behavior. Such parents may often have contradictions in the system of requirements. So, they can not allow children to quarrel, but do not pay attention to the behavior at the table.
Tolerance is characteristic of indulgent parents. They usually make few comments to an unrestrained child: they give him unlimited freedom in games, do not forbid noisy games, they do not care about cleanliness and obedience. Such parents are more likely to consider aggression as a normal phenomenon in the development of the child.
Based on the selected characteristics, Schaefer proposed a classification of types of child rearing. The following types fall into the “location — containment (control)” field: from excessive indulgence to condescending patronage, from them to excessive protection. In the “containment-rejection” field, there are types: overbearing, harsh, then demanding, intolerant. The “rejection-tolerance” field leads to careless, indifferent, and eliminated types, and “tolerance-location” creates democratic and helpful types.
All these parameters are largely taken into account in the questionnaire of child-parent relations developed by A. ya. Varga and V. V. Stolin. The questionnaire consists of five scales.
1. “Acceptance-rejection”. The scale reveals an integral emotional attitude to the child at one end of the scale are parents who like the child as it is. They respect the individuality of the child, sympathize with him, the child is considered as self-worth. These parents tend to spend as much time as possible with the child, approve of his interests and plans . At the other pole are parents who perceive their child as bad, unfit, unsuccessful. They think that the child will not succeed in life because of low abilities, a small mind, bad inclinations. For the most part, parents feel anger, annoyance, irritation, and resentment toward their child. They don’t trust or respect the child. Often the rejection of the child is combined with cruel control, regulation of the whole life of the child, with the imperative imposition of the “only correct” type of behavior. in some cases, the rejection can manifest itself in an extreme form-the desire to abandon the child, put him in a boarding school. In practice, this attitude can be observed in single mothers who raise their own or adopted children, in families where the child was born “accidentally” or “at the wrong time”, during a period of domestic disorder and marital conflicts. Along with strict control, this attitude may be marked by indifference to the child’s daily routine, complete connivance.
2. “Cooperation” is a socially desirable image of the parent relationship. The content of this scale is revealed as follows: the parent is interested in the child’s Affairs and plans, tries to help him in everything, sympathizes with his experiences. The parent appreciates the intellectual and creative abilities of the child, feels a sense of pride for him. He is consciously engaged in the upbringing and development of the child, encourages initiative and independence, and tries to be on an equal footing with him. The parent trusts the child, and can accept the child’s point of view in controversial issues.
3. “Symbiosis” – the scale reveals interpersonal distance in communication with the child. Parents seek a symbiotic relationship with their child. They feel that they are one with the child, they strive to meet all his needs, to protect him from the difficulties and troubles of life. Parents constantly feel anxious for a child who seems small and defenseless to them. The anxiety of parents increases when the child begins to be Autonomous by the will of circumstances, since parents do not give the child independence at any time.
4. “Authoritarian giperstimulyatsia” — reveals the shape and direction control over behavior of the child. Parents demand unconditional obedience and discipline from the child. They try to impose their will on the child in everything, unable to stand up to his point of view. For displaying self-will, he is severely punished. Parents are biased about their child’s social achievements and demand social success. At the same time, parents know the child well, their individual characteristics, thoughts, and feelings. Such parents often seek multi-disciplinary training and development of the child (various clubs, sports clubs, foreign languages), but this does not take into account the real psychophysical capabilities of the child.
5. “Little loser” – reveals the features of the child’s perception and understanding by parents. In this type of parenting, there are aspirations to infantilize the child, to attribute personal and social failure to it. Parents see the child as younger than the actual age. The child’s interests, Hobbies, thoughts and feelings seem childish and frivolous to them. The child appears to be unfit, unsuccessful, and open to bad influences. Parents do not trust their child, are annoyed at his failure and incompetence. In this regard, parents try to protect the child from the difficulties of life and strictly control his actions.
The questionnaire is offered to parents in printed form with the following instructions.
“Answer the questionnaire with as much candor as possible. A ” + “mark the statements with which You agree, sign” – “means which do not agree”.
Interaction of the psychologist with parents is the key to successful adaptation of the child to the conditions of kindergarten. When a child first comes to kindergarten, he has to rebuild not only the usual way of life, but also relationships with adults and children. Some children enter a new situation painlessly. In others, it causes severe experiences, reduced activity (speech, gaming), affects health and abilities. For a child who has not visited children’s institutions, everything is unusual: the absence of a loved one, unfamiliar adults, a large number of children, a new daily routine, etc. Adults ‘ treatment of children is also very different from what they are used to at home.
A necessary condition for mitigating the difficulties of the adaptation period is the consistency of the actions of the educator, psychologist and parents, and the observance of the same approach to children in the family and in kindergarten. For this purpose, the psychologist should make sure that the teachers get acquainted with the parents and the child before the newcomer enters the group, establish contact with them, and learn about the conditions and features of the child’s development. It is difficult to find out all the habits and skills of each child at once, but in a brief introductory conversation with parents, you can learn about the most characteristic features of the child’s behavior, his inclinations and interests.
Do not sledu6et dramatically change the usual way of life of children Especially hard to bear children separation from their parents, if they are brought to 8 o’clock in the morning and leave until the evening. It is advisable to recommend that parents in the first days to bring the child only for a walk, where it is easier to navigate the environment, get acquainted with teachers and children, as the conditions resemble a home yard. If the child is lost, clinging to the mother, do not insist that he immediately went to a stranger, let him get used to it a little. It is better to find an opportunity to talk to the three of them (with him and with the mother), to consider toys, to observe other children.
It happens that the child does not cry, but does not play, he is depressed. This condition should be as disturbing as crying. The psychologist draws the attention of educators to such children, advises parents to reduce the time of children’s stay in the group to a minimum, and bring home conditions closer to the kindergarten regime, organize exercises in independence so that the child can serve himself.
Parents can be invited to go to the group room with their child. Support, warmth, confidence that the mother is near, helps to get used to the new environment, establish relationships with the teacher, with children. The mother and the child look at toys, necessary household items, a group room and a bedroom, and play with the children. The presence of a loved one gives the child the opportunity to navigate more calmly in new conditions.
Usually the attention of parents and children is focused on coming to kindergarten, but children often witness tears and negative emotions of other children. There is no need to explain how this affects their mood. The psychologist may advise the parents to recruit new ones later, and not only in the morning, but an evening stroll, then you can pay attention of children how parents come for the kids as they joyfully meet, like taking the children home as children say goodbye to each other, agree on tomorrow’s walk. This will help children in the morning to calmly endure parting, get used to the fact that a short daily separation does not mean a break, rejection from home.