Factors of family well-being, stages and crisis periods of marriage (part 1)
A specialist in psychosocial work is familiar with the problem of analyzing factors of family well-being-trouble. The complexity of the family as a social system and the psychological community of people of different gender, age, social and professional affiliation leads to the fact that attempts to identify a complete list of such factors may be unsuccessful. Therefore, when discussing this problem, it is usually about trying to identify the most significant factors and indicators of family well-being. One of the integral indicators is the psychological compatibility of spouses (family members in General).
People who create a family tend to meet a set of needs – in love, in children, in experiencing common joys, in understanding, communication. However, the formation of a family is not only the realization of ideal ideas about marriage that have developed in future spouses. This is the real life of two and then several people, in all its complexity and diversity; it includes continuous negotiations, agreements, compromises and, of course, overcoming difficulties, resolving conflicts that exist in every family.
Failure in marriage is largely determined by mistakes in choosing a partner: the chosen one in reality either does not have the necessary personal traits, or the totality of his psychophysiological features, views and values does not correspond to the ideas and needs of the elector. Disappointment can occur regardless of the fact that the partner has many positive qualities. It is very important that the husband and wife approach each other based on biological and moral factors that reflect different aspects of upbringing, political, cultural, and religious views, and that the partners tolerate each other’s characteristics.
Consider the most important prerequisites for future family, including marital, well-being.
Psychobiological compatibility. We are talking about “indefinable internal sympathy”, which can be based on such clear reasons as admiration for talent, success, social status, or an external aesthetic ideal. Marriage without spontaneous attraction usually does not guarantee a successful marriage.
A harmonious marriage involves the social maturity of the spouses, readiness for active participation in society, the ability to financially support their family, duty and responsibility, self-control and flexibility. The most successful marriages are those people who value their partner’s reliability, loyalty, love of family and strong character. In an” ideal marriage”, spouses often have personality traits such as self-control, hard work, care, dedication, and flexibility of behavior.
Factors that have an indirect impact on the well-being of married life. It is important to know what were the marital relations of the parents of the chosen one, what is the family structure, the material level of the family, what negative phenomena are observed in the family and in the character of the parents. Even a small family trauma often leaves a deep mark, forming a child’s negative views and positions. Sometimes insurmountable conflicts are inevitable where the partners differ diametrically in their worldview.
Education. Higher education does not always increase the level of stability of family relationships. Even in a marriage concluded between two young people who have graduated from higher education institutions, conflicts may arise that, if they are not resolved in a timely manner, will give rise to divorce. However, the intellectual level and characters of the partners should not differ too much.
Labor stability. People who frequently change jobs are characterized by instability, excessive dissatisfaction, and inability to establish long-term relationships.
Age determines the social maturity of partners, their readiness to perform marital and parental duties. The most optimal age is considered to be 20-24 years. The most natural difference in the age of the spouses is 1-4 years. The stability of so-called unequal marriages largely depends not only on the character of both partners, on their mutual feelings, but also on their preparedness for age characteristics, on the ability to resist the” slander ” of others, etc.
Duration of Dating. During the period of Dating, it is important to get to know each other well, not only in optimal conditions, but also in difficult situations when the personal qualities and weaknesses of the partner’s character are clearly manifested. It is possible, as is customary now, to live together for some time to get used to each other’s peculiarities.
All these factors create prerequisites for marital compatibility and incompatibility. Psychological incompatibility is the inability to understand a friend’s Fugue in critical situations. In marriage, each of the spouses can act as a “psycho-traumatic factor”, for example, when one of the spouses is an obstacle in meeting the needs of the other. Psychological compatibility is defined as the mutual acceptance of partners in communication and joint activities, based on the optimal combination-similarity or complementarity-of value orientations, personal and psychophysiological characteristics. Psychological compatibility of subjects is a multi-level and multi-aspect phenomenon. The family interaction it involves psycho-physiological compatibility; personal compatibility, including cognitive (understanding of ideas about yourself, other people and the world as a whole), emotional (experiencing what is happening in the external and internal world of a person), behavioral (external expression of ideas and experiences); compatibility of values, or spiritual compatibility.
Thus, the harmony of family and marriage relations in terms of personal parameters is determined by several main elements:
the emotional side of marital relations, the degree of attachment;
similarity of their ideas, visions of themselves, partners, and the social world as a whole;
similarity of communication models preferred by each partner, behavioral features;
sexual and, more broadly, psycho-physiological compatibility of partners;
the General cultural level, the degree of mental and social maturity of the partners, the coincidence of the value systems of the spouses.
The value and psychophysiological compatibility of people is especially important in family and marriage relations. All other types of compatibility or incompatibility are subject to dynamic changes and change quite easily in the process of mutual adaptation of family members or during psychotherapy. Value and psychophysiological incompatibility cannot be corrected or is very difficult to correct.
Psychophysiological, and in particular sexual, incompatibility can lead to the collapse of a marriage. And misalignment of values in human interaction, especially in everyday contacts, leads to almost irreversible destruction of communication and marital relationships. It is important, on the one hand, how different the evaluation criteria of the spouses are, and on the other – how much individual criteria correspond to the generally recognized ones. We can talk about double harmony, when the values of the spouses coincide with each other and with the generally accepted system of values; on the convergence of views with the generally accepted system of values only one of the spouses; on the compliance of the value criteria of both partners to common values while simultaneously differentiating their viewpoints; about double differentiation when system values differ and the interests of both are not identified with universally accepted criteria.
In the absence of any of these groups of compatibility prerequisites, optimal adaptation does not occur or it occurs slowly, the harmony of the marital Union is violated.
The most common factors that determine success or failure in marriage are the personal qualities of the spouses and their ability to solve all kinds of problems, to be in harmony with each other. In the absence of these skills, conflict situations often arise as a consequence of the incompatibility of any forces within one person or between spouses. It is important to take into account the individual psychological characteristics of each of the spouses. A rational and complex indicator of their individuality can serve as a personality type: the most common cause of marital conflicts, as well as divorces is “dissimilarity of characters”, incompatibility of spouses.