Beyond the family
Every family is a system, and every system has its own structure and boundaries. The boundaries of the family depend closely on the state of the boundaries of large social systems. The more open the borders of a larger social system (state), the more closed the borders of a smaller social system (family) are, and Vice versa. For 70 years, the USSR was a closed state, and families were very open. Now the system of the state has opened and the borders of the family are rapidly closing. A positive attitude towards closed family systems is being formed. But if the boundaries of the family are closed, then the boundaries of the subsystem (mom, dad) are increasingly open. For such systems, vertical dysfunctional coalitions (mom and daughter versus dad) are very common. All vertical coalitions are dysfunctional, while horizontal coalitions are functional.
When consulting, it is important to answer the question-where are the borders, what are they, how do they pass, why is the restructuring taking place.
The triangle allows you to see the coalitions: the evening triangle and the day triangle. For example, the family has a father, mother, child, and TV. Evening triangle when the child is sleeping. If the father and mother do not talk, communication can go through the child. When a child falls asleep in the evening, the TV takes its place in the triangle.
Family boundaries are visible at a glance. They are clearly visible based on how the family interacts with close families.
5. The stabilizers of the family
Each family, both functional and dysfunctional, has its own stabilizers:
form of activity
material things, etc.
They support the life of the family, prolonging its life
Common place of residence
General financial resources
General forms of activity and activity
General entertainment, etc.
Dysfunctional stabilizers-those that extend the life of a dysfunctional family:
They are an element of the family system, growing and developing in it. In the functional family, they are not stabilizers. But in a dysfunctional system, instead of the family spending energy on its development, all elements of the system spend a lot of energy on preserving the family. The child’s presence causes the family not to break up. Children began to become such stabilizers in the last 100-150 years, which is associated with an increase in life expectancy. Previously, marriages lasted no more than 20 years, children did not have time to become stabilizers.
In accordance with the law of homeostasis, the family tries to maintain its stability and the child acts as a stabilizer that keeps the family from disintegrating.
As diseases that occur in addition to the influence of the family system (somatic), and disorders generated by the system itself (psychosomatic and mental). If a sick child appears in the family, it becomes a dysfunctional stabilizer of the system. Similarly, if a mentally ill person appears in the family. There may also be various psychosomatic disorders that also cause the family to exist for a long time.
There are quite a number of families where the children run away from home, committing petty theft, etc. It becomes a kind of stabilizer of the family. These behavioral disorders are often a reaction to dysfunctional family relationships. Deuces in a diary are often an unconscious action to draw parents ‘ attention to children. Such a problem child prolongs the life of a dysfunctional family.
4. Adultery – with the fear of intimacy syndrome.