Every family has its own rules of life. They are divided into vowels and unspoken ones, which everyone knows about, according to which everyone lives, but which are not voiced or confessed. If we are talking about vowel rules, then it is easy to agree on them. If they are not voiced, the subordinations are unspoken, people pretend that there are no rules. It is important to identify not only vowels, but unspoken rules.
There are other rules:
Cultural ones that exist in a particular culture and are accepted by many families. They are known to all family members and all families. For example, parents should not have sex in front of children.
Unique rules apply to each individual family, arise due to the uniqueness of the family history and are known only to members of this family. They are often unspoken.
The rules relate to the main areas of family life. The husband works, the wife is a housewife. The rules apply to leisure and household activities. They contribute to the distribution of family roles and functions.
Rules in each family determine the place for a family member to occupy in the family hierarchy. The new element in this structure will be promoted according to the rules. The rules apply to the place of children in the family.
The totality of all family rules is subject to the law of homeostasis (conservation), which ensures the constancy of these rules. If someone can point to this unspoken family rule, it can become a persona nongrata for the family.
The rules need to be changed in accordance with the dynamics of family life. This is a painful process.
The rules of family life apply to all areas of life. Part is produced within the family (unique), part is brought into the family culturally. The rules relate to the distribution of roles in the family. They are quite contradictory. On the one hand, there is a rule that the husband is the head of the family, on the other hand, there is a rule of equality between a man and a woman. Rules define the struggle for power within the family and identify family dysfunction.
Rules can be divided into:
The content of a rule may be dysfunctional. Those who allow domestic violence to occur set dysfunctional rules. Dysfunctional rules are characterized by stability (rigidity). Any hard-to-change rule is dysfunctional.
Functional rules are those that can be changed. To help the family, you need to identify dysfunctional rules.
3. Family myths.
This is a complex family knowledge, often poorly understood, which consists of a set of family rules that have been formed for at least three generations and which are, as it were, a continuation of the phrase “We are…” Usually the family myth is in a latent state. He wakes up when:
The family includes an outsider.
In times of major social change.
In a situation with family dysfunction.
Usually in a functional family, the myth is very deep. The more dysfunctional the family becomes, the more the myth begins to Wake up. The myth is not always dysfunctional. It can be quite natural and determined by the conditions where the family lives. But if in the 1st generation it is perceived normally, then by the third it can become painful for someone from the family members.
People who are inside a myth, as a rule, do not realize this myth. Since they are inside a myth, they begin to see reality in the categories of this myth. Family myths often correspond to well-known Greek myths. Families live in Hercules, Damocle, Tantala, etc.
Depending on the stage of development of the myth, the family can develop from functional to dysfunctional. The myth: “We are a friendly family…” in two generations, in the third generation leads to difficulties in separating children from their parents.