One of the aspects of the marriage adventure is that just when the problems of a certain stage begin to be solved, the next stage opens up its new possibilities. A young couple who developed a pleasant way of living together early in their marriage finds that having a child causes new problems and resumes old ones. For many couples, this is a charming period of shared anticipation and expectation of a child, but for others, it is a period of despair that takes different forms. The wife may be extremely agitated during pregnancy, she may have incomprehensible physical problems that prevent the child from being delivered to term, or she begins to behave erratically and strangely immediately after the birth of the child. In other cases, the husband or one of the relatives may develop a state of despair that coincides with the time of this event. Continue reading
Every family is a system, and every system has its own structure and boundaries. The boundaries of the family depend closely on the state of the boundaries of large social systems. The more open the borders of a larger social system (state), the more closed the borders of a smaller social system (family) are, and Vice versa. For 70 years, the USSR was a closed state, and families were very open. Now the system of the state has opened and the borders of the family are rapidly closing. A positive attitude towards closed family systems is being formed. But if the boundaries of the family are closed, then the boundaries of the subsystem (mom, dad) are increasingly open. For such systems, vertical dysfunctional coalitions (mom and daughter versus dad) are very common. All vertical coalitions are dysfunctional, while horizontal coalitions are functional. Continue reading
The feeling of guilt arises in everyone quite naturally if we commit an unnatural act that generates conflict. Committing exculpatory acts mitigates guilt. In this case, we are talking about real guilt. In addition, there is neurotic guilt. It occurs when thoughts and feelings that are of an unseemly nature appear. We accuse ourselves of having these feelings.
Existential guilt-guilt for not being the other, but being myself. It is often updated during losses.
Guilt is the least tolerable feeling. The pangs of conscience can reach great strength, causing torment and fear. By projection, we try to put the blame on another. Continue reading